The Fashion Pendulum

25 Feb

Harem pants.  I don’t get them. Why wear something that transforms your bottom into looking one foot long, and also makes you look like you’ve had an unfortunate accident in your pants. And yet – they’ve been one of the biggest ‘on trend’ fashion items of the past summer.  Certainly, they look comfortable – but if comfort were the only consideration when it comes to dressing, then my flannel pyjamas with the sagging elastic which give me plumber’s cr**k would be my daily uniform.

When I think harem pants, two names come to mind.  MC Hammer and Barbara Eden.  Two people who, on appearances, have little in common.  One is a black rap artist who perfected the sideways crab dance move in the 19990s smash hit ‘You can’t touch this’.  The other is the star of the 1960s sitcom ‘I dream of Jeannie’ who portrayed a 2000 year old genie, with an astronaut as her master.  So – what could this glasses-wearing rapper with the flat-top haircut have in common with a genie-playing, beehive-wearing actress?  Well – pants, it seems.  They are the two most famous exponents of the harem pant.  Are they fashion icons?  Well – perhaps in a way.  But not in a good way.  Would any self-respecting woman really be proud to declare MC Hammer or Barbara Eden as their fashion inspiration?  I think not. So – how do we explain this current trend?

Well – it’s what I like to call the great fashion pendulum.  One minute skinny jeans are the thing.  Then, the big swing happens, and suddenly it’s the opposite – loose-fit boyfriend jean become the must-have.  Prints, patterns and bright colours have been huge over summer.  Guess what’s big for winter?  Grey – worn all over – layered in different shades.  What really sh*ts me about this is that trends have nothing to do with making women look good.  In fact it’s the opposite. It’s about making women feel insecure.  It’s about making them look at the wardrobes and think ‘Gosh – my skinny jeans are so two years ago.  I’d better get some of those loose-fitting ones’.  Never mind the fact that those new, loose jeans will make your hips and bum look a size bigger than what they are.  The fashion industry doesn’t care.  It just wants you to buy new clothes – every season.  But the harem pant is just taking the p*ss.  Instead of a price tag, they should come with a buyer beware tag which states “In a few years from now, you will look back on these pants and think – why, why, why?”  When MC Hammer sang ‘You can’t touch this’ maybe he was talking about his pants – don’t touch them, don’t go near them, and certainly, don’t buy them. 




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