My addiction

10 Feb

My name is Cassie. And I’m an addict. I’m addicted to child birth. My second baby turns 6 weeks old  tomorrow – and already, I’m thinking about giving birth to a third child. It came to me today – when I visited my obstetrician for my post-birth check. Walking to his rooms in the hospital, memories came flooding back. Most people hate hospitals. But this is the hospital where I have experienced the two best days of my life. The birth of my first child. And the birth of my second.
The thought of never seeing my obstetrician again just seems unimaginable to me. Not because I have some strange attachment to him (though he is a very nice man). It’s just that not seeing him ever again means I would never be having another baby. It’s impossible to describe the overwhelming emotions of giving birth. As that slimy, blood-spattered, pink little being is thrust into your arms, nine months of anxiety, anticipation and excitement is released in a gigantic wave. It’s exhilerating. Probably the biggest drug-free (discounting the epidural) high that you can experience. The next few days are gorgeous too. Being in hospital is like being in a cocoon. I literally did not leave my room with my first born. There are midwives on call to bring pain killers. All meals are brought to your room. Visitors come to gush over your precious new bundle. There’s no cleaning or cooking. And – to make it perfect – there’s a night nursery, providing a few precious baby-free hours to catch up on sleep. But largely – it’s just you and your baby. Bliss. But then there’s the homecoming. Talk about reality bites. The first couple of months of a baby’s life are gruelling. There’s no other word for it. It’s an endless round of feeds, nappies, burps and vomits. The relationship is so lopsided. Mum does all the giving. Baby does all the taking. There’s the shock of sleep deprivation. And the normal household chores to attend to. Add a toddler into the mix – and the whole shebang is overwhelming – and not in a good way. Fortunately, I think child birth releases a big wave of happy hormones, which seem to last a couple of months and make the whole ordeal survivable. And – having had one child, I know that it only gets better as that little defenceless being turns into a funny and character-filled person who fills your day with funny moments. But to say that I’m addicted to child birth presents a big problem. It’s like saying you want to get married because you really enjoy wedding days. It’s a bit short sighted – and will probably end in tears. Marriage is about the days and years you will spend ahead with your husband. The wedding day is but a blip. Same with child birth. Lots of births means lots of babies, who turn into toddlers, children and teenagers. It’s the ultimate life-time commitment. Until there are more than 24 hours in a day, I know it’s just not viable for us to have masses of children. So – at best I know I may only experience child birth once, and at a big stretch, maybe twice again in my lifetime. It makes me feel quite sad. I guess biology will eventually step in – and it just won’t be possible for me to have another baby. But – until then – it seems that ‘cluckiness’ will be my constant companion.

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2 Responses to “My addiction”

  1. Anonymous March 15, 2011 at 10:01 am #

    You obviously got the drugs!!!The last time I was in labour (with my third child) my main memory is of dread – dread that the pain I was already in (and already off the richter scale) was only going to get worse and the fear that I couldn't do it. Logic told me I had done it before and could do it again, the midwife and my husband were both telling me I could do it, but in my head I was scared to the core that I couldn't. And no amount of talk about meeting my beautiful baby was going to convince me. I just wanted out of that place.Don't get me wrong, I love and cherish my children, but childbirth is a traumatic process (lord knows what the baby goes through – luckily they don't remember). I have to say I get a bit miffed when people describe it as the best day of their lives.From chats with friends I believe I have had a pretty good run when it comes to delivering babies (quick, uncomplicated and due to circumstances beyond my control, drug free) yet I have a real fear of being pregnant again, for the sole reason that the child has to come out.I am truley amazed at what my body has achieved through childbirth but I believe that any drug induced? glorification of what is a dangerous process for both baby and mother should be balanced. Sorry to rain on your parade.

  2. Cassie March 24, 2011 at 8:25 am #

    Thanks for the comment. I only write from my own perspective and experience and am always happy to hear/see what others have to say.

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