Fashion That’s Unwearable

11 May

Didn’t Beyonce look ah-mazing at The Met Ball (the so-called Oscars of fashion) in New York. She reminded me of an Egyptian pharaoh, kind of Tutankahmun-esque with all of that gold. And the fit – incredible – it looked like she’d been sewn into the dress and it showed her hourglass off to perfection. Or – at least – that’s what I thought until I saw a second picture (at end of post).
If you’re wondering (as I did) – ‘how did she walk in that tight fishtail dress?’ – then here’s your answer. She didn’t. Beyonce basically had to be carried up the stairs by her husband and an assistant. And at that point, I thought she looked  utterly ridiculous.
What’s the point of wearing a dress which looks fabulous in a photo – but completely silly once you move a muscle? It’s the outfit where the only accessory required is a team of assistants to help you walk. It just goes to show – you can either choose to look out of this world amazing – or you can have the ability to walk – you can’t have both. Personally, I choose walking. I’ve found it to be a highly useful skill. But Beyonce’s not the only one promoting unwearable fashion. Australian Fashion Week threw up a host of completely impractical clothing – perhaps the worst offender in this regard was the label ‘Romance Was Born’. The signature piece of the collection was a white catsuit embellished from head to toe with gemstones (photo at end of post). It looked like the designer had gone completely berserk with a ‘bedazzler’ (an incredible little gadget from a home shopping network which allows you to apply fake gemstones to your clothes – it was big in the 80s). There’s only one woman in the world who I can imagine wearing this outfit – Lady Gaga. Predictably, serious ‘fashionistas’ loved the Romance Was Born show. I read a comment supposedly by an anonymous buyer who said ‘They make bad taste look good’. Ah. No. Just because it’s on a catwalk doesn’t mean it’s good. Bad taste is always bad. You can’t hide it with fancy hair-dos, lighting and make-up. Aparently, the designers were inspired by the film ‘The Neverending Story’. All I remember of that movie is the big flying dog and the cute little boy that rode him. Not exactly fashion icons. But I believe it’s the character ‘The Childlike Empress’ that most likely drove the designers. Ask any woman how she wants to look in her clothes and I’m tipping she’ll say words like – chic, elegant, classic or edgy. I don’t think she’d say ‘childlike empress’. But that’s exactly what Romance Was Born served up – outfit upon outfit of clothes that most women could never wear. True – fashion is a broad family – there’s room for the straighty-180 Mum and Dad types, and the kooky Aunts and Uncles, which is the category that Romance falls into. Fashion would certainly be boring if everyone designed the same thing. The type of fashion Romance creates is more ‘art’ than ‘clothing’ – it’s more for looking at rather than wearing. As such, it doesn’t really belong on hangers in a shop. I think they should sell their clothes in glass cases, like the ones that house fire hoses and carry the warning ‘break open in case of emergency’. Romance’s clothes could come with the same warning, and then, let’s say your entire wardrobe goes up in flames, at least you’ve always got the white catsuit to wear.

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