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Fashion Fish Tales

19 Sep

A fish tail has to be the most impractical form of dress ever, right? Why would anyone want to strap their knees together, and then have an annoying piece of fabric trailing behind them that no doubt a gazillion people are going to step on? I’ll give you one reason. Because, when done well, it looks bloody awesome. Now the only time a ‘real world’ woman is going to wear one is to her own wedding. Luckily, we get a chance to look and lust every time there’s a Hollywood awards ceremony. You always see one or two. And, by the looks of today’s Emmy Awards (like the Oscars, except for TV shows) it looks like the red carpet is going to be awash with them over the next 12 months. It seems to be a big trend. Check out these pics and you’ll see why. Even Kelly Osborne looks absolutely beautiful, elegant, and classic – three words that, until recently, would never have been mentioned in the same breath as the name ‘Kelly Osborne’. But that’s the transformative power of the fish tail – like a beautiful mermaid has come to life – and headed straight for the closest red carpet.

Christina Hendricks

Kelly Osborne

Emanuelle Chiqui

Cobie Smulders

Beating the winter Blues with a shot of Spring fashion

9 Aug
Mother Nature can be a cruel so-and-so can’t she? In Sydney last week, we were basking in mid twenty degree temperatures, vainly hoping for an early start to Spring after a winter that’s felt very long, very cold and very wet. It wasn’t to be. Mother Nature has pulled a swifty, returning us this week to another icy blast of winter. It sucks. I’m over it. I actually want to take the kids to a playground (God, I never thought I’d say that). I’m over jigsaw puzzles, and play-doh and all those indoor-type activities. But you know what I’m really sick of? My jeans. I think I’ve worn them, oh, maybe every day for the last 2 months. Sure, the rest from shaving my legs every day has been nice – but oh – I would give anything to feel the warm sun on my lilly-white gams. Yes, I will need sunglasses if I want to look at them – they are that white. But I’m actually longing to wear a pair of shorts, or, (gasp) a dress, without stockings. Last week David Jones launched their Spring/Summer fashion collection in a big hoo-ha parade featuring Miranda Kerr, who’s figure is jaw-droppingly awesome, 6 months after childbirth.

There aren’t many women whose physique is improved by becoming a Mum – but Miranda’s has – those breastfeeding boobs are fab. Let’s face it – the woman won the jackpot in the genetic lottery. Good luck to her. I’m not jealous. No really, I’m not. So, what can we expect to wear next Summer. Well, it looks like those neutral tones are out and colour is in, in a big-big way. As is animal print (when isn’t it), a bit of navy and white and for those who still like minimalism, there’s a lot of all-white around. In short, there’s something for everyone – except if you live in black, there doesn’t seem to be much of that – but we are talking summer here – black is a little hot for the Australian sun. So, to cheer myself up and fool myself that spring really is just around the corner, I’m posting some of the photos from the DJ’s parade. Sigh. Please Mother Nature, please let it be Spring. Now!


A Real-Life Designer Baby

29 Jul

It’s hard to know whether to laugh or cry at this video of fashion stylist, Rachel Zoe, showing us around her four month old son’s nursery. (Sorry, you’ll have to watch an ad before the video begins). I use the word ‘nursery’ advisedly. Little Skyler’s walk-in wardrobe is bigger than most people’s master bedrooms. And that wardrobe is chock-full of designer threads like a Gucci leather jacket which would come with a five-figure price tag. Not that Zoe paid for it. Or at least, I don’t think she did.
As she breathlessly tells us, ‘It came in its own garment bag’ which indicates to me that it was probably a gift from the canny PR folk at Gucci, who, spotting a golden publicity opportunity, probably gifted the jacket to Zoe knowing that she and her son are paparazzi gold – and if the baby’s snapped in that Gucci jacket (a picture that will be beamed across the world) well that’s great, free publicity, isn’t it? Nothing like using a baby as a walking billboard. Look, that probably sounds more mean than it should. Zoe adores fashion, and clearly adores her son, so combining the two probably makes a lot of sense. To her. But the excess makes me feel a teensy bit ill. It just seems – so much – or, in Zoe’s words, it’s ‘everything’. Literally. The baby seems to have everything – as long as it has a logo on it. The upside is that soon Skyler will become a toddler – and like all toddlers, will no doubt revel in jumping in the muddiest of muddy puddles, wearing his prisine white Ralph Lauren shoes. And as he becomes a rebellious teenager, he will probably hate designer fashion altogether and choose to dress in saggy no-name jeans and horrible t-shirts bearing the names of death-metal bands. I wonder how that beautiful walk-in wardrobe will look then? I envision just one big messy pile of dirty clothes on the floor, and Zoe, standing at the door in dismay, wondering what happened to the her little designer baby with the Gucci leather jacket.

Fab Fashion of the Week

25 Jul
Olivia Palermo

I really don’t know who Olivia Palermo is. I think she was in that faux reality show ‘The City’. But I do know one thing – she’s really making me desperate for summer so I can bust out a long, floaty skirt. She’s been photographed in a couple over the last week and she looked like a breath of fresh air on the red carpet, which is always awash with flesh – legs or boobs – sometimes both. It gets quite stale. Not sure that I could do the tucked-in white shirt. But gosh it looks fresh and crisp, doesn’t it? There’s just something very feminine and thrown-together about the maxi-shirt and tucked-in top. If I really wanted to wax-on, I would describe it as effortless chic.

Fab and Fail Fashion of the Week – Nicole Kidman and Lara Bingle

17 Jul

Fab – Nicole Kidman
Nicole Kidman really confuses me. Sometimes I love her movies, sometimes I dislike them. Sometimes I think she sounds very down to earth, sometimes she comes across too self-conscious. Sometimes I love what she wears, other times I wonder if she looked in the mirror before she left home. I think I’m not the only one who’s confused – she seems to be quite a polarising person. Anyway, I think we can all agree (or can we?) that she looks fab in this red Elie Saab number. Red hair, red dress, red lip – all fantastic. I love how the dress is giving her an hourglass shape (which she doesn’t normally have) with with a fair bit of boob (more than usual), a cinched-in waist and a little curve around the hip and tummy accentuated by the peplum (bits of material on the side). It does all the right things in all the right places.

Compare it with what Melissa George wore at the same event. She looks completely washed out. What she needed to do was borrow some of Nic’s red lipstick. Would have made a tonne of difference.

Fail – Lara Bingle
Oh Lara. You’ve got such a hot body and gorgeous face – why hide it all in a boxy suit and all that hair over your face? And what’s going on the crotch area? Way too much fabric, for one. And – it’s just – a weird cut, like a cloth nappy. Don’t let me start on the jacket – it looks like it’s choking you – almost like a straight jacket. The button sits right on your boobs, making you like a size bigger than you are. And bunching the sleeves just makes your biceps look huge. But you know what I really don’t understand – you wore this to the launch of a new sunglasses range (of which you are the face) which was held at night, therefore depriving you of any chance to wear the said sunnies. Weird. Anyway, I think you’re a gorgeous looking girl so I’m posting a photo below of you from the sunglasses ad campaign – why didn’t you style yourself like this for the launch party? I don’t get it.

Fab Fashion of the Week – Duchess Kate

11 Jul

I. want. Kate’s. wardrobe. NOW! (oops manners). Pretty Please! I don’t care if those beautiful dresses aren’t suitable for being sprayed with baby puke, or carrot puree, or projectile poo. And I don’t mind if I’d be a tad overdressed for mother’s group or supermarket shopping. I just want that collection of lovely dresses (photos below) hanging in my cupboard. To look at. And stroke. And dream. I love all that Duchess Kate has worn on her tour of Canada and the States. Words that come to mind – chic, classic, elegant, pretty. But it’s not a unanimous opinion. Fashion editor for The Guardian (big British newspaper) Jess Cartner-Morley writes “Kate is not particularly stylish… There is little flair, little creativity, little originality about how she dresses. She is pretty and always looks nice, but she is not a style icon. She is not “wowing the fashion critics” with her wardrobe…’
And what of Jess’ fashion credentials? She has recently been spruiking the merits of palazzo pants, baseball jackets and denim dresses as being ‘must haves’ for the season. Hmmm. Jess is obviously from a place I like to call Planet Fashion, which is inhabited by fashion designers, stylists, journalists and bloggers. On Planet Fashion, an inhabitant who wears a combination of palazzo pants with a baseball jacket would be prettily applauded for their ‘witty, and ironic’ style. In the Real World (where I live) such a person would be labelled ‘a fool’. The whole point of Fashion Planet-ers is to convince Real World-ers that they need items like palazzo pants and denim dresses in their wardrobes so we buy them, and, ka-ching Fahion Planet gets more and more rich. The true test of the Duchess’ stylishness is the colleague test. If Kate turned up in your workplace, would she be the most stylish woman in the office? Would you envy her wardrobe? Would all the guys think her gorgeous? I reckon yes, yes, and yes. As for the bigger question – is she a fashion icon? Again, I say yes. Kate actually dresses in a very modern way – mixing high street with high-end pieces. And she recycles, wearing the same outfit again and again at important events. That’s pretty new for a future Queen. And it’s a reflection of the times. A British Royal can hardly be spending millions of the public purse on her wardrobe when millions of her subjects are on the dole queue. Kate is a ‘royal recessionista’. The other ‘iconic’ aspect of her dress is the way she makes modesty look so good. Over the past 20 years, our tolerance for flesh-baring fasion has increased immensely. Remember the uproar that Liz Hurley created when she wore the safety-pin dress in 1994? The provocative nature of it made her an overnight global star. These days, such an outfit would barely raise an eyebrow. Seen Lady Gaga at the airport wearing nothing but underwear? Bo-ring. Twenty-something year olds like Kesha and Taylor Momsen are regularly photographed gadding about in nothing but fishnets, undies and torn t-shirts. Sadly, the flesh-fest has caught on with many young women for whom a typical Saturday night outfit involves a thigh-high mini skirt with equally high heels and a singlet-top. I’ve posted on it before. It’s not the morality of it that offends me. Not at all. Women should be free to wear whatever they want without being judged. BUT. My point is – the hooker-look is supremely uncomfortable and just doesn’t suit the bodies of most women, unless you’re a supermodel, in which case you should knock yourself out with minis and high heels. On the other hand, Kate dresses in a way which I think would suit many, many more women. The A-line sillhouette which she seems to favour is almost universally flattering to all figures. As is the presense of a belt or tie at the waist. The skirt length, just above or on the knee, is also a winner. I think Fashion Planet-ers are being a bit mean because Kate’s clothes are classic. She wears dresses that you could wear for years, and they’d never go out of style. That’s no good for Planet Fashion where it’s all buy-buy-buy. The only suggestion to Kate that I would make is this – don’t dress too literally. On Canada Day, Kate wore a white dress, a red hat feature a maple leaf, and red shoes. She was basically a walking Canadian flag. It’s not the first time that Kate has dressed in such an obvious way – remember the military jacket at the military ceremony? Look, I’m sure the Canadians loved it and thought her outfit a wonderful tribute to the country where she may one day be Queen. And I’m sure if she turned up in Australia wearing a union jack jacket and a southern-cross skirt we’d all be back slapping her and saying ‘hello your royal gorgeousness’. But, the obviousness of some outfits can occasionally be at odds with her overall fashion sense, which screams subtlety, taste and class. Sigh. Can I please have her clothes? 

On Canada Day in a Reiss (chain store) dress that she’s worn a couple of times before

Liz Hurley – 1994

Lady Gaga in an airport

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A Weekend of Weddings – Rock Royalty, Racing Royalty and Real Royalty

3 Jul

This post is normally a fab/fail fashion of the week – but I’m a sucker for a beautiful wedding dress – and in the past 72 hours, we’ve seen three very different but pretty gorgeous brides. The only ‘trend’ that I could spot was that each bride had a multitude of bridesmaids and flowergirls. Love that.

Rock Royalty
On Saturday, supermodel, style icon, and sucker-for-rock-stars, Katie Moss, married Kills guitarist, Jamie Hince. It’s fair to say the fashion-world’s eyes were glued to Miss Moss’ frock. She wore a white Galliano number, studded with rhinestones.
High Point: The flower girls – 16 of them, all in beautiful white dresses. Love the photo of them giving the rock star salute, and clinging to Kate Moss as she passionately kissed her new husband.

Low Point: Don’t get me wrong. The dress is undeniably pretty – kind of romantic-hippie, a ‘Juliet’ vibe. But, I was kind of hoping that Kate Moss would completely break with tradition either with colour and style and set a whole new trend for brides. The girl’s a rock-chick and one of the world’s biggest trend setters. Why wear a pretty white frock? It just seems too predictable and didn’t exactly show off her fab figure to its best.

Real Royalty
Long time playboy, Monaco’s Prince Albert, finally made an honest woman of his beautiful South African girlfriend, Charlene Wittstock. She wore a Giorgio Armani dress.
High Point: The whole pageantry of a royal wedding is just breathtaking – and this was no exception. Loved the neckline on the bride’s dress which showed off her shoulders (she’s a one time Olympic swimmer) to perfection. The satin on the dress looked so lush and lustrous with the whole effect being very regal.

Low Point: The bride was particularly teary but they looked more like tears of sadness rather than happiness – not particularly surprising given Charlene allegedly tried to do a runner back to her home country the day before the wedding amid rumours that Prince Albert has been accused of fathering another love child. He already has two. Poor
Charlene – no girl deserves that on her wedding day.

Racing Royalty
Tom Waterhouse is the son of mega race horse trainer, Gai Waterhouse and bookmaker, Robbie Waterhouse. Over the weekend, he married his long-term girlfriend, Hoda Vakili, in the Italian town of Taormina. She wore a strapless, lace Oscar de la Renta frock. To me, channelled a modern-day Sophia Loren – sexy Italian chick (she’s actually of Iranian heritage).
High Point: The veil – I love that lace edging
Low Point: The blue ties on the fellas. The colour just seems a bit wrong. Also, the mother of the bride wore cream – bit unusual.