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Eleven Reasons why ‘My Kitchen Rules’ is annoying

7 Apr

Like more than a million Aussies, I am a regular watcher of My Kitchen Rules (Channel 7, 7:30pm Mon – Wed). Now, even though I could be considered a ‘fan’, there are plenty of things that really annoy me about the show. So – why not switch off? I hear you ask. Well, two reasons. One, there’s nothing else to watch at 7:30pm. Two, sometimes the fun of watching TV is feeling like you want to throw something at the box. So – here’s my list of what annoys me about MKR.
1) The casting. It feels like the producers have a number of boxes they needed to tick – old, young, Asian, Italian, Caucasian, straight, gay, high-strung, laid back. And, sure enough they have found a ‘cast’ to tick all of these boxes. And then, just to make it really obvious that there’s a contestant for everyone – they use these ridiculous descriptors every time that couple says anything – like ‘Ash and Kelly – HIGH ACHIEVERS’ – why? Sure they were a little high strung – but what had they done to deserve the high achiever title? Peace in the Middle East? ‘Mal and Bec – URBAN HIPPIES’ – the only really hippyish thing about this couple was that Mal wore funny hats. So, the producers did a great job of finding a very wide cross-section of people – but the one thing they forgot was to test their cooking skills. (see point 2)

2) The number of times a contestant says – ‘I’ve never cooked this before…’. Hello? This is a national cooking competition on TV! This is not the time to be testing out new recipes. If you’re really that good at cooking, you should have made all these things before, at home,  without a national audience watching you fail.
3) Pete Evans. Enough said.
4) Manu Fiedel’s obsession with ‘sauce’. It’s bordering on addiction. I’d hate to see him at a BBQ where there was no tomato sauce for the snags. I think he would leave.
5) Three of the most overused phrases in a cooking show. ‘Cook with love’ – what the hell does a plate of love look like? ‘Cook from the heart’ – I think they basically mean ‘Be careful with your food’ but that doesn’t sound quite as interesting, does it. And – ‘Your dim-sims/steak/chicken/etc really took me on a journey to China/Morocco/Vietnam (insert country here)’. OK – let’s get something straight. The only thing that can take you on a journey is a car, a plane, a bus or a train – not a plate of food.
6) The way Manu speaks. Don’t get me wrong – I love Manu’s french accent. Very sexy. But – I think the producers are worried that the audience may not understand him so they’ve asked to enunciate everything V-E-R-Y S-L-O-W-L-Y A-N-D C-O-R-R-E-C-T-L-Y. He really labours over certain words. Poor fella.
7) The way the contestants slag off on each other’s food. See points 2 and 3. They’re not the best cooks in the world. They’ve all had monumental stuff ups in the kitchen – so don’t go dissing someone else’s equally tragic effort. 
8) The editing. We wait for the judges to announce their decision. The tension builds and builds. The suspense mounts. They say ‘And the winner is…’. And then comes the bloody commercial break. It’s an old TV trick – doesn’t make it any less annoying though.
9) The away the judges criticise the contestants about seasoning. OK – so I know food is supposed to have salt added while you’re cooking it. But – if the final product isn’t salty enough – then add some yourself, I say. Isn’t that why they put salt shakers/grinders on the table?
10) The whole ‘state versus state’ thing. It only works for football. Not for cooking. Ditch it Channel Seven.
11) The finish time. The show consistently ends at 8:40pm – which means you miss the first ten minutes of the show you want to watch at 8:30. I know it’s a ploy by Channel Seven to stop me changing channels. Bad luck Channel Seven. I switch anyway, and just wait for the following night’s episode to see who got kicked out.